Belonging Is a Verb

I had an interesting discussion with a fellow coach the other day about belonging. We found ourselves wondering whether the word ‘Belonging’ feels tired and somehow doesn’t quite capture what our club was trying to create. Or maybe because it has been so overused, that it doesn’t have the same pull to anchor it into a deep concept of feeling genuinely included (but not inclusion per se as that feels like a policy document), valued and connected to something bigger.

We wondered whether Belonging did enough to push further into the concept of the whole being greater than the sum of the individual members. Critically one of the aspects we agreed on, was that for genuine belonging it requires reciprocal action and behaviours. It cannot exist in a vacuum or as one way traffic.

Perhaps the problem is that ‘belonging’ sounds like a noun, when in sport it needs to behave more like a verb.

When Belonging is a noun, it makes it sound like the end point and that you either feel like you do or you don’t. Moves it into a binary space maybe. Belonging isn’t just a static, fixed thing, in the same way that humans aren’t all the same. Belonging should be deeper; it should connect to the proactive act of forming ties and feeling known and valued within that group or community.

Growing up in Australia, I found myself thinking about how some Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander perspectives frame belonging not as possession or membership, but through connection to Country, kinship, reciprocity and responsibility. I don’t want to overreach or collapse many Nations and languages into one idea, but what resonated with me was this: ‘belonging’ as a lived relationship, not a static feeling.

There is that concept of kinship, reciprocity and obligation of people within the system. It is not a one-way system. It is not a solo effort. If you show up, then others can connect with you. Whether I’ve stretched the idea too far, for me it feels like belonging in this context is about the relationship and the interconnectedness of the entire system.

In a sport context, it cannot exist just because you say ‘this is the environment we want or set out to create’. Obviously that’s a start but certainly not the middle or the end.

In UK sport, especially in community clubs, this matters because people rarely leave only because of performance; they leave when they do not feel seen, useful, safe or connected.

In sport and teams we often also hear the words ‘psychological safety’ and if your environment provides this, then yes probably it’s going to feel easier to Belong. Psychological safety helps, but it is not the whole story. People need enough trust to show up honestly and enough responsibility to make space for others to do the same.

So is there another word? I’m not sure. But maybe the better question is not what we call it, but how we practise it.

• Connection feels too transactional

• Community feels too lofty and noun-ish

• Togetherness gets closer IMO, but doesn’t quite capture the fact that ‘I need to be a part of this’. It is a bit too group focused for me.  I want something that conveys: 1/ I bring myself; 2/ we all contribute, care and are all woven together; and 3/ I am/we are better because of that shared responsibility

Maybe belonging is the wrong word, but only if we treat it as a destination.

In sport, belonging is not a badge, a policy statement or a feeling we can manufacture for people. It is a shared practice. It is built when players, coaches, parents, volunteers and leaders take responsibility for being present, making others visible and contributing to the culture they want to be part of.

For UK sport, the challenge is not simply to create clubs where people are allowed in, but clubs where people are actively woven in and where they, in turn, help weave others in too.

Three actions for sport:

1. Move from ‘welcome’ to ‘woven in’

Don’t stop at greeting new members or saying the club is inclusive. Give people a role, a name, a relationship and a reason to return. In practice, that might mean buddy systems, clearer pathways for new parents or volunteers, and intentional introductions across age groups and teams.

2. Make belonging reciprocal

Ask not only, ‘How do we make people feel they belong?’ but also, ‘how do we help people contribute to the belonging of others?’ This shifts the culture from passive membership to shared responsibility.

3. Measure the lived experience, not just participation

Participation numbers matter, but they don’t tell the whole story. Clubs and governing bodies should ask: Who feels known? Who feels safe to speak? Who feels useful? Who quietly disappears? Retention, voice and contribution may tell us more about belonging than registration data alone.