I'm sorry children; adults in sport can't stop shouting at you
I’d say I’m on the advocate for equal access to sport end of the spectrum. Pretty far gone really. But I’d like to think I’m not just #outragedfromtheburbs. I put my money where my mouth is: I get involved with grassroots sport: be it coaching, umpiring, scoring, trustee/ governance and admin-ing. I’m the one who if you ask to help, never says no. (Saying no is still a WIP).
Sooooo. I need to have my say about kids weekend sport. The bit where they actually play a competitive match.
As relatively modern societies, we’ve said ‘ah ah’ to parents shouting at their own kids. We frown when we hear an overly strict parent yelling at their child in public. We titter to each other in judgment, particularly when it’s a mum losing her rag at her kids in a supermarket (spoiler alert: I'm often that mum). BUT, my friends we are very happy for an adult to tear strips of groups of children in the name of sport. Quoi?
I have 3 kids and I watch a lot of sport from the sidelines and have done for over 15 years both in Australia and the UK. Girls sport and boys sport. A mix of sports from football to netball to cricket. I have also taught myself how to do a perfect ballet bun and learned that you loose the point if your opponent hits you with a squash ball. I just love watching my kids play (as long as I’m warm and dry).
Never, have I seen worse behaviour from adults than when I watch my kids play sport. Often from other parents on the sidelines but also a lot from coaches. Those people we often pay to teach our kids. (Just stop and imagine our outrage if we knew a teacher shouted at our kids for 40+ minutes without pause or gave a science lesson by growling and standing over the kids about why they didn’t know that Earth was closer to the Sun than Mars).
Last weekend I was coaching netball. I coached 2 games and watched a third. In 2/3 matches the coaching was so loud and obnoxious that the girls played where ruffled. They were put off by having someone shouting on the sidelines constantly. At one point the opposing coach screamed ‘stop’ so loud that everyone did in fact stop. Except the umpire who promptly issued a ‘held ball’ call in netball because our team/player with the ball too stopped. The adult umpires who can block it out didn’t stop. The kids did. Ball turnover. What lesson did we all just learn - that the loudest person can genuinely disrupt the game because an 11/12 year old can’t distinguish between stop emergency and stop because the bloody coach is just being hideous. Not to mention the repeated shouts of ‘no goal’ whenever our shooters had the ball ready to shoot. Yep folks this is u12 netball. Not the World Cup, not the Olympics (definitely not the Olympics because spoiler alert netball isn’t in the Olympics because it doesn’t include men !!!!)
Prior to that match, I coached an U10s match where the coach of the opposition team continued to scream for the entire 40 minutes despite winning by a stomping margin. There was no let up. I was exhausted and then fielded concerned messages from parents asking why this was so. I had no answer apart from there are some clubs for whom this is the culture and the norm. FFS why!!!!????
My son’s football is no better. You get coaches (I still chuckle when even in grassroots football they like to call themselves 'managers' - if you were a manager you'd have KPIs and 360 degree feedback!) who must be hoarse by the end of the match. And who have used every expletive under the sun. As a new referee I worry about him and what abuse he will get from parents and coaches if he does something they perceive is wrong. He is human. He will make mistakes. There is no VAR and it’s not the World Cup.
I spoke to a 15 year old girl a few seasons ago who almost gave up football refereeing because of the abuse she got from a middle-aged, male 'football manager'. Not one parent stepped in to help her.
I was witness to a cricket match last season where over half of the opposition children were crying by the end of the match and the parents sat and watched while a coach bullied his team - a team that he was supposed to be nurturing and instilling a love of sport.
The list goes on... you get the drift.
I’d go so far as to say a lot of this behaviour is abusive. It’s loud. It’s angry and frankly not OK.
As parents we need to learn to care more about the wellbeing of our children than letting this kind of behaviour persist. Is winning that important? Is being in a ‘performance’ team that incredible?
As for the NGBs. I’d like to see some leadership from you.
A zero tolerance policy for shouting at children. Nothing should ever be said across the field/pitch/court that isn’t positive - save the nitty gritty about what the children can do differently for the huddle when they are shamed into submission by a booming voice. Coaches can absolutely course correct but do it with empathy and kindness and your ‘inside voice’. The whole 'but I'm a volunteer and you should be grateful doesn't fly'; our kids deserve better.
Formal guidance that is sent to all parents, officials and children at the start of the season about their being zero tolerance and how to ‘easily’ report ‘shouty’ behaviour. A register of all teams, coaches and clubs kept at a county level where clubs and individuals can be red carded. Teams and clubs that don’t get red carded during a season should be rewarded and celebrated.
Consider more silent weekends and closed door sessions. Where parents and coaches are not allowed to shout from the sidelines. Measure the impact - what do children/the players think of it and under what conditions do they like playing sport?
Something has to change. If we genuinely want to encourage children to be active and stay active AND we want to start changing the culture of coaching it starts now. It starts with youngsters so they grow up knowing how to coach and lead. Grassroots sport is too important. We’ve got so excited by the shiny lights, heights and drama of professional sport, we’ve forgotten about the many more people who participate in grassroots and community sport. #choosekindness #letkidsbekids
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